that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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