Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
