WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
