Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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