You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
