No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
