how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
