I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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