You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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