Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize