I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
