Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
