you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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