Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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