So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
