His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
