He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
