i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
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She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
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Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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