3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
