I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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