I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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