Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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