He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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