ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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