i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
