She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
