I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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