I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
