my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
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My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
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I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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