Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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