You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
