it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
