you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I want to fling myself into the sun
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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