My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
