My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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