my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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