It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize