New low: just hacked my moms facebook
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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