Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize