well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
