Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
