once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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