I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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