another moral hangover. fuck.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
