so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
