Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
