Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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