Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
