I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Randomize
