I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
