Only a mothe r could love this liver
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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