I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
