you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
