grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
