Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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