I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
