he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
