Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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