dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
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