We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
