Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
