Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you would pick up someone in the library
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
