he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
