Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
