I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
