There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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