I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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