your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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