Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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