i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
