College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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