did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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