Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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