Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
