You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
