i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
