I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
