Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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