I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
