My first STD was from a foam party
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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