Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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