I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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