sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
