You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
