you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Are we still banned from the library?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
