why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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