you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
