For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
