I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
