i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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