So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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